I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
FUCK WHALES
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
