I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize