Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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