i already hear my dad disowning me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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