he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
