if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
