I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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