You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
