My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
two words...techno handjob
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
