I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
