Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
