Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
