i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
