You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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