At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This baby is an asshole
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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