u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
