Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
