meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
