I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
