omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
