Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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