My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize