i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize