Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
