If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
honey bunches of taint.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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