Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
