what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
