Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
