my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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