Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
