dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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