I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i permit you to call me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
