I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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