She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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