Nicole vs. Life
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
