i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
