No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
