one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
