remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
