is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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