It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize