I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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