I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
