I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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