dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
