This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
