Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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