Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
