I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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