is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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