She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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