So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and she was petting her beer can
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
