mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize