That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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