I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
