He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
