So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
