i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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