RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The Olympian is in my bed
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
