I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
