I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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