I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
