so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
