Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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