I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize