I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
