A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
