Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
