You don't have asthma, your pregnant
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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