So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize